Hello all.
I LOVE Christmas music, and even though hearing it this year has often been sad, I listen anyway. (My grief therapist says crying is healing.) The one that always gets me is “Have yourself a merry little Christmas” — with the line “have to muddle through some how.” That’s exactly what I’m doing.
I’ve done nothing to decorate for the holidays, unless you count cleaning all the insurance estimates / death paperwork off the kitchen counter. Not that it is done mind you, but … forward progress is being made.
Last weekend was Christmas with Tom’s family. After being married to him for 28+ years, I think I can now call it my family as well! In many ways it was heartwarming — there are bits of Tom’s personality and mannerisms throughout his relatives, so it felt good to be surrounded by such solid reminders of him. It was hard also: I looked at his father and wondered if Tom would’ve looked like him had he grown older; I watched poor Uncle Jon get repeatedly pummeled. Jon got double the climbing and pouncing without Uncle Tom to share human-jungle-gym duty for the nieces.
Tom was always an exceptional present-giver, and he kept it up this year as well. As I cleaned out his closet I found some gifts — I think I got them to the people for whom he probably meant them for. I also wrapped up many of the items that were “so Tommy” to share with the people who would use, or at least be amused — by them. His sister got about three dozen of his pads of paper (like Tom, she loves to make lists.) Giving her those leaves me with about 200 more.
I do need to vent about Christmas cards. Coal in your stocking to those of you who know of his death, yet failed to update your database and thus sent a card to both of us. I realize I’m a bit sensitive these days, but those three cards were a painful reminder and I didn’t need any more reminders.
My “favorite” (rolls eyes) was the one with the pre-printed message something like “hope your 2009 was fantastic…” I had to check the return address label to see what planet these people (who were at Tom’s service) were from.
One thing that is absolutely fantastic is how many of you have ordered honey bears and made donations to Tom’s charities because of it. Last week about 30 more golden bears with cute scarves marched out of here to spread their sweetness and good will. (Well, actually the bears were smothered in airtight plastic bags and then packed into boxes, but let’s run with the fantasy that they’re actually kind of alive … and actually need scarves.)
I don’t know how a person stops keeping bees, but last week I committed to keeping them again in 2010. In anticipation of next year’s honey harvest, I ordered plastic bears that are three times the size of the current bears. These “bears on steroids” actually look somewhat menacing compared to their smaller plastic brethern, so I’m going to have to figure out a way to soften their image a bit. My sister-in-law suggested knitting them little hats as well.
Speaking of bees, people have asked what they do over the winter. Rumor has it they cluster in a tight ball in their hive with the queen in the middle, keeping it a toasty 92 degrees, and slowly move as a cluster, eating their stores. On days when it is not horrifically cold, they’ll take a short flight out to relieve themselves. If there are long spells of cold weather, they stay in and hold it in because they’re too clean and proper to go in the hive.
I daily remove snow from their one-inch entrance, ensuring some air flow to keep humidity down. The bees shiver to keep warm, and if the resultant moisture from this activity condenses and drips on them, it kills them. I’m pretty sure that’s what did them in last year, when I naively sealed up the hives extra-tight. Of course, in my mind I’m picturing them watching “The Bee Movie” over and over, and crocheting tiny pot holders.
Kidwise, Ben is in Atlanta as I write this, celebrating with Jessica who unfortunately has to work on the holidays. Weather permitting, he’ll be here late tomorrow, as will Becca. It will be good to have more people in the house for a bit. Even though I’m down to one dog and one cat, being head of the pack is a bit wearing at times so I welcome the additional laps to share in petting-the-800-pound-cat responsibilities.
We have beautiful white fluffy snow, and a warm house, and many things for which to be thankful, so while I’m muddling at times, at other times I’m overwhelmed by the beauty and joy of the season.
Have yourself a merry little Christmas — Charlotte
